I know I mentioned on Friday that I would be MIA for the weekend and not answering the Reverb10 prompts, but I don't think I'm going to do so today either. To be honest, I'm kind of wiped and don't have the energy to think that hard. I need to use a different mindset to answer many of the prompts and I'm just not in the mood today. Plus, as a few others have noted, I'm not really digging many of them. So I'll still answer the ones I want to, but I won't be quite so diligent.
On to other things.
I had a really good time in Philly this weekend, but I also had another self-realization of sorts.
I've changed a lot in the past four or so years. True, I'm in an entirely different place in my life right now, but it's amazing to me how much my priorities, interests, and lifestyle have changed.
Since I moved away, visiting Philly generally means drinking, dancing, late night eats, and running around the city without shoes on.. only to do it again the next night.
While going out drinking and dancing is great fun, it's not the same to me as it was a while ago. I just can't do it every night.. not only because I literally can't (my body does not by any means hold alcohol or handle late nights as well as it used to), but also because I kind of don't want to that much anymore. I had fleeting thoughts this past weekend of how I find myself happier just staying in with friends, or just doing a light, fun happy hour. I used to go out constantly and still have many friends who do the same, and I'm finding that I can't keep up in many ways. I've changed, and I'm happy but also sad about it. Going to Philly is always amazing, but I think I had a reminder of my life there.. the good and the bad. And I think I'm finally "letting go" of that part of my life. What scares me is that I don't want to let go of my friends from that part of my life.
We are in different places in life right now, and that's totally, 100% fine. I'm just worried about distance, about what will happen if I don't visit quite as often, if my friends will still like me for who I am now. Sure, I'm still basically the same person, but some things have also changed. Does this make any sense? I don't want them to judge me because I actually want an SUV and a yard and a dog in the near future. I don't want them to think I don't still care about them, because I do. Immensely. And I hope to God they know that.
I'm pretty sure my self four years ago would hate on my self today. But my 21 year old self can deal. This is where I am and I'm happy now, like I was happy back then.
Oh, life. You keep surprising me.
Updates on the fun times I had in Philly tomorrow :))
3 comments:
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Up until Boyfriend and I started dating, I was the one partying and going out all the time. My friends called me constantly and I had to choose which plans I would follow through with. Now, I don't want to go out and drink and deal with hangovers. I'd rather stay inside and hang out and feel good in the morning. And actually see mornings! Now, my friends barely call. And the only time they do is to go out drinking. It's just not me anymore. But I have learned that my real friends are still around. And they like me for who I am and call me because they care and want to see me even if I am just sitting at home in my PJs.
I feel this way about some of my close friends who live in the same city as me.
For instance, Friday night, 9:00, hubs and I were checking out of Target and I got a text inviting us for drinks at a nearby bar. As much fun as it would have been, I just wanted to go home.
It's tough to think this way and I totally agree with you: My 21 year old self would hardcore tease my 24 year old self.
I'm definitely in this kind of transition stage, as well. I love going out, and that is probably never going to change. Josh and I go out dancing by ourselves (because we're big nerds like that). If I had more girlfriends here (ahem, hint hint) I would want to do girls nights and all that. But I have no desire to go balls to the wall every weekend. Maybe once or twice every 2 months or so. Not only do I not really have time (hello, job that requires working weekends) but I'm freaking old. I get tired. I can't handle my alcohol. I don't like random ass dudes hitting on me. Going out to dinner and drinks, or having friends over for dinner and drinks is our reality now. And while I'm mostly ok with it, I'm still pretty nostalgic for "the good ol days." Hmmm maybe I should do a post about this instead of blowing up your comments.
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