Innocent.

So here's the deal. I know this is long and there are no pretty pictures, but I'd appreciate your time. (Actually, I gave you one at the bottom!)

Word is out that a lot of people are having shit-tastic weeks. I'm not censoring this post because, well, it's kind of impossible to talk about the main reason for my life sucking as of late without some choice words.

Also, I'm not waiting to rant about this via vlog, because I'm more upset, frustrated, and outraged over the whole matter. Plus, maybe some of you will have an idea (or even just back me up). Here goes:

The DC Department of Health (DOH) recently started requiring a criminal background check on anyone applying for a health license, which includes massage therapy. Cool - I gave them my $50, got my finger prints taken, and signed off to allow them to do a background check.  All I had to do was wait for it to go through (up to 4 weeks) and for all my other paperwork to be in, and then bam, presto, here's your MT license.

Well, I've alluded to it before, but my DC license has been pending for a while now, primarily because the background check was taking a long time. I called in several times to ask the status of my license and see if there was anything else I needed to do. I had a very hard time getting through to a real person - I left several voice mails that were never returned and got countless no-answers. The first time someone picked up was early last week; I was told that my paperwork had to "go before the board" and be signed off on - then I would get my license in the mail.

I called again last Friday to just double check on everything, miraculously got through, and was told that my license processing has been put on hold because my criminal background check came back with a negative account. To make a very long story short, "they" are saying that my background check showed that I was arrested in 2005 in Alexandria, Virginia.

Why is this an issue? Because I have never been arrested in my life, and it is completely untrue. I was apparently supposed to receive a letter about this incident, asking to send in related paperwork so that the DOH licensing board could resume processing my license.

Only, I never received that letter. And, shocker, I have no paperwork to send in because I was never arrested. I first found out about it on Friday, verbally, over the phone, while I was at work. I was frantic, trying to tell them it was wrong, and asking what I needed to do to fix this. No one was helping; it was 3pm on a Friday, people were already gone for the day, I was holding back hysterical tears while sitting at my desk trying to figure out what was going on. I felt so helpless. I still do. I have a new job that I am supposed to start in less than two weeks with an already full schedule, and I can't get my license because someone, somewhere, fucked up.

I don't know how, or what mistake was made, but they fucked up, plain and simple.

I went into the licensing board's office first thing Monday morning to see what, if anything, I could do to remedy this situation. I was shown a copy of the letter I should have received in the mail - it was dated February 7th.

Newsflash: that's an entire month ago. Scot and I check our mail obsessively - it never came. Oh, and they had my last name spelled wrong, on top of that. (They did indeed have my correct address, DOB and SSN listed, however.)

I was told to write a letter contesting the charges, and the DOH licensing board would send that over to the Metropolitan Police Department (MPD). I did as such, and was told by the gentleman I was speaking with that this would hopefully be resolved by the end of the week and he would call me by the end of the day to give me an update. He didn't.

Further, I tried to hand in my provisional license before I left the office, which would allow me to practice in DC for 90 days, or until my license goes through. The woman who deals with this said she was on my side, that she would love to sign off on the provisional license but "they" weren't allowing her to do so, due to my completely absurd, non-existent run-in with the law. I'll say it again - I have a job starting in two weeks, so this is 100% completely unacceptable. This needs to be fixed, and fast.

I called the gentleman I originally spoke with again on Tuesday and he said he would check on the matter and call me back today on my work number. Which, again, he never did. After badgering him on Wednesday, I learned that the person to speak with at the DOH is actually the attorney for the licensing board, but she never seemed to be in.

It has been pointed out to me several times that I do indeed work at a (fairly large, well known) law firm (no, it didn't occur to me until someone reminded me, hush) and that I could absolutely use that to my advantage. I decided to take that step yesterday, and am now officially represented, I suppose. My lawyer (gosh it's weird to say that about a coworker) got in touch with the DOH's lawyer (isn't it amazing what pressure can do?), but the DOH lawyer said that she has to look into the criminal background check department to see who ran the check and who to further contact. So.. still no answers.

It's all a ton of bureaucratic bullshit and it's driving me crazy. This should be a simple fix, but it's not, and it's affecting my life ten-fold. I'm consistently switching back and forth between wanting to cry, not wanting to deal with life, being really angry, etc. I'm anxiety-prone to begin with, so this has me panicking. I'm doing as much as I think I can do right now, but it doesn't seem like enough.

So that's where my life is right now. I told my future employer today about the situation, and am waiting to hear their thoughts.

I would normally be totally cool about this - mistakes happen, let's get it fixed and move on. But I gave my current job notice. I have a full schedule booked at my new job starting March 22nd. I want to punch someone.

Do you have any thoughts? Or even a similar experience? I'll take whatever you've got.

Oh, and just for you, for reading all this..

Bahahaha