On being reflective.

I've been doing a lot of thinking as of late. Well, more like the past week or so, but it's put me in a different state of mind than I have been in.

This is my thinking face. Or my stinkeye face. Either one.

I mentioned earlier that I am interning with the Level 1 massage therapy class, the instructor of which was mine when I was in Level 1. After getting over the whole weird aspect of being on the other side of the class, where I am helping to teach and guide, I realized that doing this.. interning, that is, for this class.. makes me so incredibly happy. The way I feel during and after the class, even into the next morning (such as now) is something I haven't felt in a while. I think the last time I felt this particular kind of joy was a few months ago when I took a dance class after not having taken one for about a year. It's the feeling where you just say to yourself "Yes. This is where I'm supposed to be, this is what I'm supposed to be doing."

I'm having this kind of self-discovery of sorts right now. Or maybe it's a quarter life crisis, who knows. Either way, here are my thoughts:

1. I am supposed to be doing massage, at least at this point in my life. Maybe taking a break from dancing was a good thing, since it allowed me to find something that I love just as much and that I have such a penchant for learning more about. I have been tossing around the idea of going back to school (again) to become a physical therapist's assistant (PTA), but I want to explore the massage area more in depth first. I may be completely fulfilled just doing this line of work, but if not, I know where I want to go with it. Although I do think I would be incredibly happy with a dual massage therapist/PTA role in the future.

2. I need to get my DC license now, regardless of the fact that I will need to renew it in just a few months time. (So why don't I? Easy: money. It's almost $300 to get, and I need to renew for another $100 or so come January. If I don't get it now, I have to wait until January as to not pay the renewal fee. Age old dilemma(?) of time or money.) I have been hearing about a lot of opportunities that I wish I could take, some paid and some volunteering positions. The great thing about DC is that, once you hand in your application for licensure, you can work with a Provisional License for 90 days, or until your application is approved. Say I hand in my application tomorrow, I could start working the next day. This urges me even more to apply for my license, especially since there is a great opportunity to provide free massages at the Marine Corps Marathon on October 31st. One of my previous massage instructors is in charge of coordinating the massage therapists for it, and I would love to be able to work along side him and provide relief to those participating in the race.

3. I need to get my butt to a dance class on a regular basis. This is one of those "easier said than done" type of situations for me. I have gotten so used to my life and my schedule, and I love lazy nights where I just come home, have a glass of wine, and crash with Scot on the couch. The problem arises in that I think we do it too much; I want those nights to be a nice respite to a busy week, not something that I eventually get bored of (which I kind of am). I was always better as a busy person, and I've gotten so lazy lately. I want to get back that spunkiness and start doing more, and that includes dancing. In order to make sure I go, I am going to buy a class card, good for 10 classes in 3 months time. That way, if I don't go, it's a lot of money lost. Money is a great motivator at times, especially right now. I also think that once I start getting into the habit, it won't be so hard anymore. The best part? I can get back into shape and I KNOW that I will feel so kick ass when I get my technique back. Maybe even go on a few more auditions if I feel up to it ;)

4. Wedding stuff. Having a long engagement can be a blessing and a curse. Blessing: long time to plan, can save up money, can have things done early on as to hopefully not be too stressed when the big day comes. Curse: long time to plan, way too many ideas, multiple mind changes, getting ansty-pantsy because I just want to marry the guy, already. Part of this stems from my time spent on the WeddingBee boards; I enjoy reading through posts and commenting on them, but I sometimes get overwhelmed by it all. There is so much that goes into a wedding, it's crazy. I always thought I wanted a big celebration, a 'traditional' wedding of sorts in that we'd have a ceremony, big reception, hoppin' DJ, fancy cake, etcetera etcetera. But lately.. I don't know. Part of me wishes we could get married next year, in the fall, with just a few close friends and family and a barbeque. Basically, 95% different than what we are currently planning. Issues: already booked (and paid a deposit on) the venue and the DJ. I got all antsy when we first got engaged and was so obsessed with planning a wedding that I just went with it; don't get me wrong, I love my venue and think we will have a fantastic time there. I suppose I just wish I didn't jump into it so fast.

I think part of my sentiments on this last thought stems from the other three; it's like I can literally feel myself maturing into the next part of my life. How creepy is that?! All of a sudden, I am having different priorities and hopes and dreams and looking for career and self-satisfaction. What is going onnnnnn??!

I'm not complaining though. I want to embrace my mid/late 20's. How can I not be? I'll be getting married to a fantastic man and am in the process of moving out of a pay-the-bills job into something I love. As for the wedding itself.. we'll figure it out. We have time ;)