Teachable Moments

You know how school always prepares you for various "real life" situations, so that you'll be prepared when it actually happens? Like.. how you should reprimand a child if you're a teacher, or how to handle an annoying/crazy/inappropriate coworker in the office. Not the best examples, but you get what I mean.

The thing is, as much as you can go over and over how you should act in certain situations, it doesn't always compute when you're faced with it for the first time.

At massage school, we constantly went over what to do if a client takes things too far and is inappropriate. It is a sad fact that massage therapy is still looked at as a sexual thing by many people, and occasionally clients go to a fully respectable massage clinic and still ask for "full release" or "pleasure". It's easy to laugh at this, to say that you would just tell the client asking for such a thing to go away, we don't do that, etc. It's very easy in theory.

Today I had my first experience with this. I'm still struggling with what happened.

A man came in, filled out his health intake form, and said he wanted sports massage since he is a triathalon runner. Fine by me - he said it was mostly his legs that hurt, but still wanted a full body massage.

At this point, I had an uneasy feeling. When I was talking to him in the massage room before the session, he lingered very close. Very close. I pushed that uneasiness aside, thinking I was just making things up and it's just how he was. Nothing was inappropriate, it just seemed a bit odd.

I told him to undress to his comfortability and get under the sheet once I stepped out of the room, as I usually do. Check. I started working on his quads, draping properly, doing my usual thing. He said it was hot, asked if we could either turn the AC down or if he could remove the sheet. I told him I would turn the AC down.. as for the sheet comment? I didn't want to assume anything, because who knows? Maybe he's gotten massages in Europe where they had very little to no draping. It's more accepted in certain parts of the world, but here in the US, you need a full sheet drape.

I turned him over so he was face down and started to work on his hamstrings. About 2 minutes into that, he asked if he can show me where he wants extra focus. He was pointing fairly high up his inner thigh, trying to move my hand up there. Definite warning signs going off.. but on the other hand, perhaps he was referring to his adductor attachments. Runners and athletes do often get this area worked on - I work on this area on many of the DC United guys. It's up there, but there are ways to address the muscles appropriately.

They attach way up by the pubic bone, where your leg creases when you sit.

I asked repeatedly if it was where the attachment was, if he wanted focused worked on his adductor muscles/inner thigh. He said yes. So I turned him back over so he was face up, draped him appropriately, and worked a bit on the inner muscles, actually using more caution than normal.

He responded by saying "You're putting me in so much pain, can I at least get a little pleasure?"

I was dumbstruck. I responded by saying "I'm sorry but we don't do that here."

His response: "Not even just a little?"

I again said "No, we're not that kind of establishment and we don't do that here. Just therapeutic massage."

And once he said ok, fine.. I kept massaging. I was battling with myself; should I end the session? Should I say that was inappropriate, and leave? What do I do???

By the time I thought that maybe I should step out, it was 5 minutes later and it just would have been awkward. I was thrown, I was shaking, I don't know if he could tell. It was terrible.

I finished the session, the rest of which went by without incident. He started telling me about his wife and kids. He seemed happy at the end - paid his money and left. He even sounded like he wanted to come back.

It was my last session of the day.. I pretty much wrapped everything up and jetted out of there. I called the owner on my way home and left a message for her briefly outlining the events and asked her to call me back. We recently went over the situation, and agreed to not allow him back and that I made good decisions earlier. I just know that I don't want to ever see that man on my massage table again.

So.. did I do the right thing? Did I do what we learned in school? I honestly don't know. He was so ambiguous at first.. and I freaked. I didn't want to assume that he was leading to something when he may have honestly just wanted his damn adductors worked on. Until he made that comment, I was denying it.

Moral of story? Trust your gut, I suppose. But it's sometimes a fine line - I know my personality played into how I reacted in this situation. I always assume the best in everyone, and I don't want make anyone upset or angry, ever. Had I actually had a pair of lady balls, I would have told him to get out.

I think.

I really don't know. Nothing can prepare you for those moments the way the actual thing can, unfortunately.

Thanks for listening.. just needed to get that out.
<3